Thursday update

How far along? 8weeks
Total weight gain/loss: -1#
Maternity clothes? no, although they are way more comfy
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Today was a sleepless day, anxious to see our new baby, could be a long night at work!
Best moment this week: Our first Dr. ultrasound
Have you told family and friends: Yes!
Miss Anything? Beer at baseball games, margaritas out on the deck :(
Food cravings: none this week
Anything making you queasy or sick: Still have to eat all the time
Have you started to show yet: A little bump so far - basically looks like I ate a few too many cupcakes
Gender prediction: Girl
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!
Weekly Wisdom: Go to the chiropractor! Amazing what a small adjustment does for you
Looking forward to: Finding out if we have a he or she!

Today we saw my OB and he confirmed you are a healthy baby, very reassuring to this anxious mama! You have been announced to all and we have gotten lots of positive thoughts rolling in. Please continue to cook and we will see you in LATE November! xoxo love Mom

Message to baby Hawks

Dear Baby Hawks
I write this message scared and anxious. Today is our first appointment with the doctor and I find it sad that I'm more scared than excited. As you probably know your brother is in heaven and I now live in fear of you, and everything I love being taken from me. Your dad and I want you very much, please know how much you are loved already! Everyday I grow more excited for you to come and a little more fear diminishes. I'm going to keep a journal to you and Austin. I know your brother is excited for you he sent me a rainbow this morning. Please grow healthy for the next 32 weeks and we will hold you in December! XOXO love mom

Baby Noah

On April 15th, Heaven invited another baby to play. Today was Noah's funeral and Mary Ann asked me to speak. I was unsure I would be able to get through this but knowing how Mary Ann feels I wanted to help any way I could.

"Mary Ann and I have been friends just over 5 years. We met in the beginning of my career on postpartum. She transferred to us and was eager to start her family with Andrew. Shortly after Kierra was born Mary Ann transferred to post op and working opposite schedules we didn’t get to talk much.

I excitedly called her one day to tell her I was pregnant. That was when I found out we were going to be mothers together. On March 29, 2011 I got the pleasure of taking care of my friend and baby Noah. Mary Ann was tired but glowing. She had a loving husband, her sweet girl and now a precious boy. I was still pregnant but we had planned play dates for the boys and couldn’t wait for my son to join the world. On April 17^th 2011 Austin came into the world at 33 weeks. He was early and went straight to NICU. Mary Ann was still on maternity leave and checked on me often. Sadly on May 15^th 2 days after being home Austin went to heaven. Mary Ann was a constant reminder that she was there for me. She came to my house to talk and was a shoulder to cry on. I can only hope I can be as strong for HER and HER family, as SHE has been for mine.

I know that our Angel babies are causing trouble in Heaven as they would have on earth. I’m sure Noah is happy to not have lines and “owies” He will miss you dearly but I have heard a minute on earth is like 1000 years in heaven and vice versa. He will be eager to see his family when the time comes to join him but until then he is held by God, watched by angels and already has a friend named Austin."

After my speech I broke down but proud that I remained my composure through it. People came up to me after to thank me for sharing and even wanted to say hi because I was the nurse who take care of them. I was told that Austin would be added to their prayers and all though that was not my intention, it was comfort on a very hard day.
RIP Noah & Austin!

Friday update

How far along? 6w5d

Total weight gain/loss: same as pre-prgnancy

Size of baby: sweet pea

Maternity clothes? nope

Stretch marks? Thank heavens no

Sleep: normal for a night shifter

Best moment this week: We told our support system on Sunday of our upcoming baby :)

Have you told family and friends: close friends and family
Miss Anything? Still missing a drink
Movement: I wish really early
Food cravings: avocados
Anything making you queasy or sick: banana + baby +work=NAUSEA!
Have you started to show yet: I definitely feel big, like I ate too much :(
Gender prediction: Girl ;)
Labor Signs: Thankfully NO!
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, well I think anyways ;)
Weekly Wisdom: switching to more bland foods
Looking forward to: telling everyone!

Austin would be...ONE!

Today I was a mess of emotions! I cried, and yelled and slept and hugged. Our baby boy should have been in my arms and he is in God's arms instead. (at least I hope!)
Many people were amazing today releasing balloons to Austin in heaven, saying prayers, thinking about Austin and our family. We have an AMAZING support system and I don't know how I would get through this last year without all those who have been here. From calls/txts/visits/food/donations...the list goes on!

At 1025 I went to Chris' work and we said a prayer and released a balloon together. When Chris got off work, we loaded Macy up and the 3 of us went on top of Peavin (mt behind our house that overlooks Reno) and had a picnic and spread some of Austin's ashes. We know he can see us all the time but it was symbolic to scatter them hoping they travel back towards us. I tend to have silly thoughts to get me through our loss! We had a bath and relaxed reminiscing on Austin's short little life and the life of our new little baby to come. I will always wonder what Austin would have done, at what age, what he liked and hated but these questions won't be answered for a long time to come...

8 weeks, or NOT!

How far along? apparently we are 2 weeks behind, 5w5d

Total weight gain/loss: same as pre-pregnancy

Size of baby: grain of rice

Maternity clothes? nope

Stretch marks? Thank heavens no

Sleep: normal for a night shifter

Best moment this week: seeing the little flicker of the heart

Have you told family and friends: The Foster's know because they won't be at the birthday party most other friends will find out on Sunday at our birthday party
Miss Anything? Still missing a drink
Movement: I wish really early
Food cravings:pineapple
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: too early, but I feel bigger!Gender prediction: I still think girl
Labor Signs: sooo early, that would be bad!
Belly Button in or out? very much IN
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy :)
Weekly Wisdom: eat or get nauseous!
Looking forward to: our next viewing of Baby Hawks...4/26!

Sad Easter

Chris and I spent the day staying busy, distracted really. He went fishing while I helped a friend move. The past 2 years we haven't been invited to have Easter with anyone so it's our own holiday. I made ribs and Cory joined us. Chris insisted we say a prayer and that was the extent of our "religiousness". It's crazy how a year (seconds really) can change your entire life! Last year 1st Easter I was showering Austin and God with love, this year is not so much the same. I miss what would have been Austin first Easter bunny picture, egg hunt and overall joy of my baby boy. RIP Angel, XOXO love Mom